Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need a burrito and a hug.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
