i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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