Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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