Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
