I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
