i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
