Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
