1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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