Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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