I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
