just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
