I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
