She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
