Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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