Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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