Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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