Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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