Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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