he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
