Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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