I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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