And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
