I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
