he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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