4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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