Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize