My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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