The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
