No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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