I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
