Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
