I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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