i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
