Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
