I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she pinky promised me she was 18
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
