literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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