Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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