I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
