I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
