the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
