Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
