I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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