I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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