I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
