I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
