Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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