I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
