I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
