I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
