He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
