I think I died a long time ago.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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