she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
