I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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