Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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