brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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