I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
