Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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