I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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