last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
