its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
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I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
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What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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