You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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