we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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