and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
