He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
