I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
