i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
