party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
