he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
