people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
