I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I want to fling myself into the sun
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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