my phone needs a breathalizer
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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