hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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