Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
