I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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