Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
