is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
