My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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