I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
